mystizan: (Leverage: Avalon)
[personal profile] mystizan
 One of the challenges over at LL required me to make up a fact abt a character from the Show & then s'one else would write fic based on that fact. I LOVED this one so I share it with y'all.

Fact: One summer when Hardison was bored he tracked all of President Bush's speaking engagements & hacked his teleprompter, putting stupid words & phrases (& the occasional Sci-Fi reference) into an otherwise perfect speech.

[livejournal.com profile] psychicvanity  filled this prompt. She's from Team Thief.


Nana was big on the President. No matter what they were doing, if the President was on TV, she'd stop everything and make everyone watch him speak. "Nana, you didn't even vote for the guy!" Alec had once complained.

"Well, he's the President now, so hush."

One summer day, President Bush was preparing to speak in New Jersey. It was possibly the most boring thing on earth for teenage Hardison, but Nana was in poor health and humoring her seemed like the right thing to do. But there was no reason not to humor himself as well.

Nana's hollering, once so loud and brash, was diminished to a hoarse whisper, but she was still as feisty as ever in demanding that Alec sit down and watch the President speak. Hardison settled down beside her on the couch as the President ascended to the podium. This was going to be good.

"Thanks for the warm New Jersey welcome," President Bush started out. "Thanks for giving me the chance to come by and share some thoughts with you about the challenges that this country faces." He continued to speak about the nation, American values, and national security. Alec was almost asleep when his Nana poked him in the side.

"What did he say?" she asked in confusion. Hardison sat up. The President had the same confused look as Nana, but kept right on speaking regardless.

"Today I want to talk about the complete and total awesome coolness of small businesses. I want to herald the entrepreneurs, who boldly go where no man has gone before. I want to say thanks a lot to those who have taken chances, made mistakes, and gotten messy. And I want to remind our fellow citizens that in order for our economy to recover we must remember the Titans. And also the small business owner."

The crowd began to mutter as the President squinted toward his teleprompter. Alec bit his lip to keep from cracking up and shook his head at his Nana. "I dunno, I've never heard anything like it."

The speech continued with more of the same, stupid phrases and silly references and one notable comparison of the American spirit with a TARDIS: that is, bigger on the inside. Confusion reigned, but the speech was a hit anyway. As Bush descended the stage amid applause and laughter. He was heard to mutter, "Third time this summer. What the hell-" before the audio stopped picking up.

Nana shut the TV off and sighed. "Presidents these days," she tutted disapprovingly. "I remember when they were men of power and dignity. Imagine referencing cult TV in an address!" She shook her head despairingly.

And Alec locked himself into his room and laughed until he cried. Best. Prank. Ever.

Note: Speech text taken from an actual address by George W. Bush. Mostly.


~~~~~

Was this not perfection? *happy sigh*

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